In most conversations we take part of, we aren’t listening. At least not well and not most of the time. We may not be outwardly saying anything but usually we’re planning on what we want to say.
But what is the thing that most people seek most? To be heard. To be listened to. To be understood.
Instead we think of most situations and “lively discussions” as an argument to be one, a problem to be solved my way, and an inconvenience or time suck.
But what if we didn’t have to win every argument or feel like we needed the other person to agree with our viewpoint. What if we could be comfortable believing what we believe and accept that the other person believes what they believe. That solutions can still be had when we understand that maybe the question we think we’re trying to solve isn’t the most important issue to be solved at that moment.
Often when dealing with people and problems, we need to train ourselves to hear what is actually being said. In some scenarios it’s actually not about solving a problem at all, it’s about showing the other person, you’re worth my complete attention at the moment. That even if we are to disagree on what the “right” or “fair” thing to do is, I can still build trust with you by showing you that I hear you. Sometimes that’s all it takes. Other times that’s all we can offer a person. But either way, it may not cost anything, but it has an incredible amount of value.